The First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics

By Flanders and Swann

Flanders (Spoken): One of the great problems in the world today is undoubtedly this problem of not being able to talke to scientists, because we don't understand science. They can't talk to us because they don't understand anything else, poor dears. This problem, I think it was C.P. Snow first raised it - Sir Charles Snow in private life - in his books Science and Government and so on. Mind you, I haven't read it. I'm waiting for the play to come.

He says, quite rightly, he says it's no good going up to a scientist and saying to him as you would to anybody else, you know, "good morning, how are you, lend me a quid" and so on, I mean he'll just glare at you or make a rude retort or something. No, you have to speak to him in language that he'll understand. I mean you go up to him and say something like, "Ah, H2SO4 Professor! Don't synthesize anything I wouldn't synthesize. Oh, and the reciprocal of pi to your good wife." Now, this he will understand.

Snow says that nobody can consider themselves educated who doesn't know at least the basic language of science. I mean things like Sir Edward Boyle's Law, for example - the greater the external pressure, the greater the volume of hot air. The simple . . . or . . . the Second Law of Thermodynamics, this is very important. I wasn't so much shocked the other day to discover that my partner not only doesn't know the Second Law, he doesn't even know the First Law of Thermodynamics!

Going back to first principles, very briefly: thermodynamics, of course, is derived from two Greek words, thermos, meaning hot - if you don't drop it - and dynamics, meaning dynamic, work; and thermodynamics is simply the science of heat and work, and the relationships between the two as laid down in the Laws of Thermodynamics, which may be expressed in the following simple terms - after me, Donald.

[Flanders (spoken)]The First Law of Thermodymamics:

Heat is work and work is heat

[Swann (spoken)]Heat is work and work is heat

[Flanders (spoken)] Very good!

The Second Law of Thermodymamics:

Heat cannot of itself pass from one body to a hotter body

(scat music starts)

[Swann]Heat cannot of itself pass from one body to a hotter body

[Flanders and Swann sing alternate lines from here]

Heat won't pass from a cooler to a hotter

Heat won't pass from a cooler to a hotter

You can try it if you like but you far better notter

You can try it if you like but you far better notter

'Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a ruler

'Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a ruler

'Cos the hotter body's heat will pass to the cooler

'Cos the hotter body's heat will pass to the cooler

[Together] Heat is work and work is heat and work is heat and heat is work

[Flanders] Heat will pass by conduction

[Swann]Heat will pass by conduction

[Alternating]Heat will pass by convection

Heat will pass by convection

Heat will pass by radiation

Heat will pass by radiation

[Together] And that's a physical law

[Flanders] Heat is work and work's a curse

And all the heat in the Universe

Is gonna cooool down 'cos it can't increase

Then there'll be no more work and there'll be perfect peace

[Swann (spoken)] Really?

[Flanders (spoken)]Yeah - that's entropy, man!

And all because of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which lays down:

[Flanders (sung)]That you can't pass heat from the cooler to the hotter

Try it if you like but you far better notter

[Together]'Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a ruler

'Cos the hotter body's heat will pass to the cooler

Oh, you can't pass heat from the cooler to the hotter

You can try it if you like but you'll only look a fooler

'Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a ruler

That's a physical Law!

[Flanders (spoken)]Oh, I'm hot!

[Swann (spoken)]Hot? That's because you've been working!

[Flanders (spoken)] Oh, Beatles - nothing!

[Together (sung)]That's the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics!